


Letters Sent and Received

by flootzavut



Series: Next Time [9]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, F/M, Friendship, Letters, M/M, OT3 implied, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Post canon, Prose and letters, Sequel, nexttimeverse, queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 07:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15431823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: "Is it possible to make a letter come to pieces by reading and rereading it too often? BJ isn't sure, but he suspects he's going to find out one of these days."The Pierces and the Hunnicutts communicate - or try to.





	Letters Sent and Received

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onekisstotakewithme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/gifts).



* * *

  ** _Letters Sent and Received_**

* * *

 

Is it possible to make a letter come to pieces by reading and rereading it too often? BJ isn't sure, but he suspects he's going to find out one of these days.

It's strange how a letter from someone he lived with for so long, whom he knows almost as well as he knows his wife (maybe even better in some ways), someone he's shared a tent and even a bed with, can still be such a mystery to him. Hawk's letters are warm, full of life and humour, he talks about the photographs they send, he says he wants to visit, but he still won't say when.

BJ doesn't know if he's reading too much into things, or if maybe he was reading too much into their friendship in Korea. Maybe Hawk just doesn't need him so much now. Maybe when he writes 'I love you', all he means is friendship and gratitude. Or even obligation. (That might be worse than nothing.)

BJ doesn't have the words to ask.

Then he thinks about Hawk creeping into his bed, clinging to him and reluctant to let go when they said goodbye. Thinks about the way Daniel Pierce watched them as if he was figuring something out - or maybe as if he just had.

He can't piece it all together, can't make sense of it anymore, even the wonky, crazy sense he thought he'd found. He desperately needs Hawkeye to visit, but doesn't know what else to do or say to convince him without risking pressuring him into something he isn't ready for, maybe doesn't even want.

BJ doesn't hear Peg approach, he's so engrossed, and then she's slipping into the seat beside him and taking his hand in hers.

They sit in silence for a while, enjoying the cooler evening air and each other's presence.

"You should call him, you know," Peg says eventually. "Call him and tell him you miss him."

She makes it sound so simple, as if calling his army buddy on the other side of the continent and casually dropping 'I'm not sure I can live without you' into conversation isn't a big deal.

"It scares me, Peg." Terrifies him would be more truthful. "I might say too much. Or the wrong thing. You didn't see him, how- how _fragile_ he is."

Peg nuzzles into his shoulder. "He needs you, too. Maybe if he knew how much you care - maybe it would help him."

"I guess."

"You don't have to tell him you're in love with him, BJ; just tell him you love him. Give him the chance to hear it and get used to it. Or at least tell him you want to see him," she says. "The rest can come later."

"I just... God, Peg, I miss him so much. I feel as if part of me is missing, like I did in Korea, and it hurts."

"Well, why don't you at least tell him that? What are you so afraid of?"

BJ knows she's not accusing him of anything; she's just trying to understand. "I'm afraid he won't believe me," he says. Then, more quietly, "I'm afraid he doesn't want to come. That he doesn't feel the same way."

"Oh, BJ," Peggy murmurs, then she's wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight. "Of course he loves you. You know that."

BJ tugs her into his lap and hugs her as hard as he can without hurting her. "I don't," he says, "not really." He keeps looking back over his relationship with Hawkeye, and nothing seems clear anymore. "He cares about me. I know he loves me as a friend. But..."

"He loves you. I know it in my bones."

Peggy sounds so much surer than BJ feels.

"I'm scared, Peg. I can't... I can't lose him, you know? If I screwed up our friendship, I don't know what I'd do."

Peg shushes him. "You won't," she insists. "Get him here and kiss him silly."

BJ manages a laugh, though it comes out rather pained. "I can't even convince him to come visit. How do I tell him he has a home here, a place here, without pressuring him?" He has to force himself not to grip Peg too tight, his frustration making him tense and angry. "How do I get it through his thick head that I love him?"

"You keep doing what you've already been doing." Peg strokes her fingers through his hair, and her voice is soft and reassuring. "You keep writing him and not giving up on him, keeping your promises and being a good friend. Being someone he can trust."

He buries his face in her shoulder and breathes in her scent. How the hell he ever got so lucky as to have Peg in his life at all, never mind as his wife, he'll never know. "I love you," he murmurs.

Peg kisses his hair. "I know," she whispers back, then, "I love you, too."

They're words he's heard hundreds, thousands of times, but they still have the power to reassure and comfort, to ease the ache in his heart. There's so much he doesn't understand, doesn't know how to deal with. But he has Peggy, and as long as he has her, he can make himself believe they'll work out the rest.

* * *

It's late when the call comes in, and Daniel expects it to be an emergency in town. He's more than startled when a faint, unfamiliar voice says, " _Doctor Benjamin Pierce, please. San Francisco, California, calling_."

Daniel is so taken aback to be called from the other side of the country, he responds 'Yes, yes' without thinking, and before he has a chance to correct himself, the operator connects the call.

" _Hawkeye?_ "

The line is low and hissy, and it takes Daniel a moment to put the pieces together. "BJ?"

" _Hawk!_ "

"No, no, it's not, I'm afraid I got rather flustered. I'll get him for you."

Laughter. " _Thank you, Doctor Pierce_."

"Daniel, please."

BJ chuckles again. " _Daniel_."

"I'll get him." Daniel doesn't know how much it's costing BJ to make a transcontinental phone call, but he's sure it's not cheap. He sets the handset down and bustles out of the study. "Ben! Where has he gotten to? Hawkeye!"

Ben appears from the den, eyes wide. "What's all the commotion about, Dad?"

"Phone call for you." Daniel doesn't waste precious, expensive moments trying to explain, juse grabs Ben's forearm and tugs him into the study and to the desk.

Ben gives him a look that says he's wondering if Daniel has lost his marbles, but he picks up the phone. "Hello?"

It wasn't intentional, but Daniel's glad he gets to see Ben realising it's BJ, how Ben's face lights up, softening and brightening all at once. "Beej?" Daniel hopes BJ can hear the smile in Ben's voice.

Tempting as it is to stay, if for nothing else than to watch Ben's expression, Daniel leaves Ben alone, closing the door behind him. He's aware half the neighbourhood is probably listening in, but it seems wrong to listen himself. Bad enough that Ben and BJ can't get the privacy they deserve without Daniel impinging on it further.

(Not to mention he was fighting the temptation to snatch the telephone back and shout loud enough that anyone abusing the party line would require his professional care for a burst eardrum.)

His heart is lighter than it's been in some weeks as he pours himself a celebratory drink. He's more and more impressed with BJ Hunnicutt, and talking to him may be exactly what Ben needs.

* * *

> Dear Hawkeye,
> 
> BJ would probably be annoyed with me for telling you, but I'm selfish enough to ask, even if he's not. I-
> 
> I don't know where to start. It's so silly, I sat down with my head full of words, and now I'm ready to write, they've all deserted me.
> 
> The thing is, you need to come and visit us! I mean to say - oh, Hawkeye, BJ would never try and force you to come, and neither will I if you really don't want to. But he misses you dreadfully, and I don't know if you realise. And it's selfish of me, but I do need you to know. If you think you're doing BJ a favour - doing me a favour - I promise that you're not, that you mustn't stay away for any reason except that you don't want to come. And I think - I very much hope \- that's not true.
> 
> It might seem strange to you that I'd write you like this, when we've never met, that I feel justified in begging you, but- well, I know you. BJ's letters were always full of Hawkeye said this and Hawkeye did that. He would tell me all about your antics and how you kept him sane. To me it's as if you're an old family friend, one I've known half my life at least. The impression was only intensified when I met your father. He's a dear man, and I would love to see him again one day. But not, I have to admit, as much as I want to meet you. BJ tells me he is very much like you - or you are very much like him, I suppose. Whichever way around we put it, it makes me even more certain that you and I will get along very well.
> 
> So you see, after all this, I can't treat you as a stranger, darling, or as an acquaintance, or even just as a friend of BJ's. I'm afraid I'm going to be forward enough to treat you as someone I'm entitled to scold! As if I have the right to say don't be afraid, don't feel you will be a burden or an inconvenience.
> 
> To say please come, Hawkeye. It would mean so much to us both.
> 
> I imagine travelling all this way and meeting Erin and I might seem unnerving, might be too much for you just yet. But when you're ready, don't doubt that you will be welcome here, that I can't wait to meet you, and that BJ will be thrilled to see you as soon and for as long as you can be spared.
> 
> I want- no, I need you know that, Hawkeye. BJ needs you to know as well, he's just not selfish enough to tell you off about it.
> 
> I expect I've scolded you enough for one letter. I hope you'll understand why, forgive me for being so forward, and know that what I most want is for you to feel you can visit us whenever you like. You will always be welcome in our home, Hawkeye Pierce.
> 
> With love,
> 
> Peggy

* * *


End file.
